Hey, it's Rachel.
I'm going to be the first to admit, I'm not perfect. This shit is fucking hard. (Pardon my French.) And don't go all "TL:DR" (too long: didn't read) on me on this. This is a serious review of myself on this diet, and since having this wake-up call of sorts, perhaps it'll help wake you all up as well.
That's why I haven't posted for quite some time. Not only did Kellen and I do a vacation recently (check it out here) and not only have I worked 60+ hours a week, tying me to Green Bay and keeping me away from my friends (yes, the loneliness did cause me to turn to food and deny my diet) and not only was this so hard I would give up from time to time, but I have learned so much about my health, what's good to eat, and just how weak my will really is.
I have lost a total of 2 whole pounds (weight losses and weight gains counted) since I started MyPlate. Friggen A, that's not much. But I haven't been dedicated since Kellen had to quit, and after the isolation of Green Bay this summer really got me down. But I have been eating smaller portions in general (1 plate per meal on average), and really think hard about what I put on that plate (ex: Do I really need potato chips with this chicken? What about some whole grains instead...).
I am not going to make promises for a better future on MyPlate or excuses for this lack of dedication. I need to be realistic about this. School's starting on September 6, the day before this diet experiment should have ended. I'm going to make goals, or as Kellen once told me, "Let's Jane Birr this shit." (Heh, sorry we used your name so vulgarly, Janie, but in reality, it's quite bluntly what I need to do to become a better person. I do thank you for your class. It's been helping me to see how I can become a better individual.) You can see information about Jane's goal-creating program, which we learned about in a class at UWGB, here at this site I have linked.
Jane's class has helped me in the past. I got organized and lost weight and was able to better control my blood-sugar levels for my diabetes in just one semester of working hard. But after the class ended, so did the goals unfortunately. I didn't have to report in, and I wasn't trying so hard to get an A anymore for the class. I never really gained sight of what was important--ME.
As this summer has neared its end (the past week or two), my goals for a healthier lifestyle have really come into place. I got to see my girlfriends recently and saw that, hey, they haven't forgotten me after all. That I think is what changed things for the better for me. I felt happier by far knowing that I have friends back home, not just the few I have in Green Bay. My mother also came to visit me a few days after, and we discovered that we do have a good relationship. We didn't fight (except over my awfully messy room, which was more of a reality-check for me than a full-blown argument like we'd usually have over nearly anything that we had a conflict on). We actually had a great time spending a few days together in Green Bay. And my boyfriend and I have resolved some trust issues we had been having, and are, as a result, a happier couple.
Purging these bad feelings with my girlfriends, mother, and boyfriend have made me want to purge other bad things in my life as well. I started by totally cleaning my bedroom in my apartment one night. Holy cow. I'll go into the gory details in just one paragraph, but first want to say it was worth it.
I couldn't get near my closet to get at clean clothes. I couldn't sit down at my piano to play my music I love so much. I couldn't see my fuckin' floor. This is how bad my lifestyle had gotten due to feeling closed in due to my job. My room had closed me in. It's quite sad to remember. After fixing the emotional relationships I had, I needed to fix my ugly physical relationship with the place I was calling home. It really was bringing me down.
After I got off work at 10PM one Saturday night, I started to move everything out of my bedroom and into a spare empty bedroom in my apartment. Everything went out except the furniture--the TV, my computers, my clothes, you name it. It all left my room. I vacuumed and I moved the furniture. I moved the furniture and vacuumed a lot, actually. When everything was where I wanted, I secluded myself to the bedroom with all my belongings in it.
After looking at my overwhelming mountain of stuff, I decided to sort it all before bringing it back into my bedroom. Yes, that would be the best way to do it. And I couldn't ask for help, I needed to know where EVERYTHING was so that when I needed it, I wouldn't have to dig through EVERYTHING I own to try to find it, creating a mess. I went into the other empty bedroom and designated areas to sort similar items into, such as a pile for electronics, crafting, music, etc.
Now for the gory details. It took me a week to sort everything. I even had two big black garbage bags (big enough to fit 5'1" me in each one three times and tie the top shut) full of trash to throw out. No, I'm not talking trash like empty food wrappers, I'm talking trash like "I'm-an-old-homework-and-box-saver-because-they-may-come-in-handy-someday" kind of trash. Mountains of this kind of trash. I was a damn hoarder on this level. At first I wanted to keep these things, because yeah, I might be able to use them all again one day. Then as the mountain of that stuff grew, I decided, "If I haven't used it for the past 6 months, it's either getting thrown out or donated." I had some things (one banana box) of things that may be useful for another person that I was able to donate to St Vincent de Paul, but the rest of it was thrown out. Like I said, two HUGE garbage bags of mostly old homework and flattened boxes trashed.
I could breathe in that room when that stuff was all thrown out. And I saw that I don't have as much stuff as I thought I had. Sorting became much easier for me. I was able to carry everything back to my room and put things just where I wanted then. Granted, yeah, I have a Rubbermaid tote box of "miscellaneous things that I don't know where else to put but do use at least twice per year" under my bed, but that isn't bad at all. Now the trick is to keep it this way.
My plan to keep my room organized is to do a clean-up every Thursday evening after classes and work are done. That way it's cleaned before the weekend, and since everything has a home, I can see already that it isn't going to get as bad as it was. Today's Thursday, and I plan to empty my trash, vacuum, and probably even do some laundry. That's part of Jane's goal plan--set little goals. My little goal is to just check up on my big goal of keeping my room organized by cleaning up on Thursday nights. No biggie I realize now.
I have also been keeping organized as a result of feeling better about emotional relationships. My boss even commented that I came a long way this summer in staying organized. I seriously keep a written planner, a paper work schedule, a dry-erase calendar, and iCal (Macintosh equivalent of Outlook Calendars) up-to-date with my daily schedule. It isn't easy, but I see that the more places I have a copy of my schedule, the better able I am to keep track of what I have done and what I have yet to do. Can you tell that organization was not my strong point before? Hah, huge understatement. I'm proud that now I know what to do each day when I get out of bed, and know the night before what I have to do the following day in order to set my alarm clock (which I now have access to after cleaning my room!) so I can get up in time for these such things. This is another huge accomplishment for myself.
I want to keep up with MyPlate now that I have a better outlook and handle on life. I want to incorporate exercise a couple of days a week since my job with lots of physical activity is ending. I don't want MyPlate to be a chore like it was. I don't want to feel like I'm denying myself of any foods that I want. I plan on eating three MyPlate meals per day from now on, and making those meals the types of foods I used to eat, just with the MyPlate portions and including all the MyPlate food groups. I don't want to stress myself out on exercise, either. I want to get back into the routine of doing Jillian Michael's Wii Fitness Ultimatum 2009 and 2010 games for my work out at home in my room. They are not stressful on my joints, are enough to make me stronger, and from past experience, do work to help you lose weight. I am overweight. I want to become healthier, not simply thinner.
Being healthier will make me feel better, and losing weight and getting better physical endurance will improve my singing. I need to sing well for my music education major. Also, being healthier I have already noticed will curb my impulse spending (snacks, stuff to have, etc) and then I'll be able to save up not only for paying off school debt, but also for my Wiscavenger trip to Oklahoma this winter with Kellen. I cannot wait for that.
In order to make these two things work, I need to get better sleep. I cannot stay up till 1AM or 2AM and get up by 8AM anymore. This means that at least 4 nights per week (Monday thru Thursday nights typically) I want to go to bed between 10PM and 11PM. I also want to wake up between 6AM and 7AM in order to get my hour-long workout and my MyPlate breakfast in before I have to get ready for my 9:30AM class each day of the week. This will be a big change, but I feel it will only make me feel better and make my healthier lifestyle easier. Sorry, Jim-my-love, but this also means you cannot stay over that often during the week at my place, unless you want to go to bed early and work out with me in the morning. That'd be appreciated, but I know that you cannot do that and stay sane yourself. We will have the weekends though.
School's starting soon. My stressful summer job ends tomorrow (I'm on the very last primary duty shift at the moment, praying that the phone doesn't ring). I start my regular school-year job technically as soon as my duty shift is over. Training was today, and I decided to not take so many weekend shifts this semester in order to keep myself sane and unstressed. It's going to be a big semester, and I have to incorporate all these big changes. I have my junior voice recital coming up this spring. I need to focus on my studies and health in order to make this a successful recital. I am also taking a Spanish class again for the first time in over a year. It's the last class I need for my recital. I am nervous, but need to work hard in order to be successful. I want another 4.0 grade point average.
This is a lot to accomplish. I'm going to admit it, I am scared shitless that I will fail in some way. No joke. I know I can do it, however. And I know that I will bust my butt to get this done. I cannot get lazy and fall into the same depressing routine. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Until next time,
Rachel
